To think I would ever become Catholic is such a totally different path than I thought I was meant to walk on. I was amongst the many people who had the most common misconceptions about Catholics. I thought they were somewhat of a cult. I was under the impression that they were pagan based through and through. I had all the wrong ideas about Christmas and about the Eucharist. I thought they worshiped statues, drank blood. I didn't think they were Christians. I thought all the wrong things about the Catholic faith in general. A year after me and my now fiancé had been dating, I could tell he was getting really close with my daughters and becoming a great father figure for them. So much so, he began to suggest they attend Catholic school as he did all his life. First, I actually considered it, but I was terrified because the family I was raised in, is mainly Jehovah’s Witnesses. On the other hand, he did grow up a great life. He’s a well-rounded individual. He is well educated, and he is a great and upstanding person. Over the next year, we occasionally talked about Catholic school for the girls. One day, I came across the information that you could attend a Catholic school without being a parishioner. Then I was more open to it! I was more open to the fact that if the girls are going to attend, it wouldn’t be as Catholics. It would be as little black girls getting a private education. A great education.
My grandmother and mother who are devout Jehovah’s Witnesses did not like the idea at all. However they were understanding. They could see why I wanted them in Catholic school (private school) but just as many people with misconceptions about the Catholics, they were terrified of what we were getting into. They were afraid of outdated things like, Nuns beating children with rulers, and it didn't help with all the spotlight being shined on the sexual abuse allegations against priest, but I could understand their fears.
After two years of dating, 2 1/2 years to be exact, my boyfriend asked me to be his wife. We are due to be married in four months! He told me he’s always dreamed of having a wedding in a church. He doesn’t feel that a marriage or wedding seems real if it’s outside of the Church or some sort of holy place. At first I thought that was crazy. All the weddings I have been to, (albeit just 2) were not held inside of churches. They seemed real enough to me, but he didn’t care about any other details or aspects of the wedding unless we got married in a church. I figured that was the least I could do. On top of the fact that it did not bother me to get married in the Catholic Church. Fast forward a couple of months. To our knowledge, we have to both be Catholic to get married in the Church. I wanted him to have the church wedding more than anything, that I was willing to convert in order for him to have it. Against my better judgment, I was converting for all the wrong reasons. It didn’t feel right. Even though I was going to do it, it didn’t feel right to be taken into a religion and take those vows of this religion knowing that it wasn’t for me.
A few minor debates and small arguments ensued, but ultimately he did not want me to convert to Catholicism unless I truly wanted it for myself. He was willing to get married outside of the Church, just as long as we could be together. Having such an amazing fiancé and knowing that he would do that for me, I took it upon myself to take the RCIA classes. The Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. I decided to at least see what it was all about and have an open heart and mind. For a little backstory, as a child I was raised Jehovah’s Witness. My mother was starting to get into the religion but we didn’t go as often as we should and my mother didn’t push it on us too much. Not saying that’s the reason why I didn’t become Jehovah’s Witness, but there were just certain things about the religion that didn’t feel right to me, or that I could not except. Anyway, fast forward a couple years into my early adulthood, and I knew I was missing God in my life, I just did not know which religion to partake in and I was terrified of choosing the wrong one and not being accepted into the Kingdom of God. I knew that religion was important to me, I just didn’t know where to begin. Fast forward to now, and after taking the RCIA classes and having open heart and mind and attending church, I started to feel like I belonged somewhere. I started to study and dig deep past what I was being taught and open up my heart and mind. I was more interested in the religion and every aspect of it than I thought I would ever be. I was happy that I took the leap of faith and decided to look into Catholicism. I read dozens of articles online, subscribed to a few Catholic podcast, and cross referenced 3 bibles at a time. Even though I was more than ready to convert for my fiancé, I decided that I needed to do this for me and it just so happens that this is the religion for me. With further good news, after deciding to convert to Catholicism for all the right reasons, we discovered that we could have gotten married in the church without me converting.
There are three types of weddings allowed in the church. 2 Catholics married within Mass, 2 Catholics married outside of Mass, and a Catholic marrying a Catechumen, naturally outside of Mass. We came across this information after our first meeting with our priest to start the Sacrament of Marriage. Even after we stumbled upon this information, a part of me thought maybe this was meant to happen, so I could discover that I didn’t have to convert, but at that point, I was already in so deep that I didn’t want anything but to get married in the Catholic Church as a Catholic, within mass.
Here we are. 4 months from the big day. My second "semester" of RCIA classes start in a couple days, and I am due to be baptized in the Catholic faith during the Easter Vigil. Both of my daughters attend Sunday school, until they can start Catholic School for the upcoming school year. Everyday, we get up in the morning, take the girls to Sunday school and immediately go to Mass. We attend all Holy Days of Obligation, and I dig deeper into my faith everyday.
I do feel odd at times being the only "black" family in our parish. My daughters will also be one of the only black children at Catholic school. Sometimes I even feel self-conscious that I am in an interracial relationship, but this is not due to my parish. St Roch is filled with some of these most, kind, giving, caring, and fun people that I have ever met. Maybe in my next entry I will touch base on my own self-filled awkwardness about being a black catholic woman, but until then...
God we thank you for the example given to us by St. Benedict the black, Patron Saint of Palermo, worker of miracles. St. Benedict, we pray that you may bewilder those who unjustly denigrate their neighbors. Show them that the true way of life is not to be found in denying that all are called to be images and likenesses of God, but in accepting and admiring the great qualities of each race. Let them be converted so that they may find their own way to God.
Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. Amen
Check out my previous post about interracial relationships