“Anytime you have sex with someone of a different race, think about that for a moment. Because nothing feels better than orgasming while thinking about all the progress we've made in civil rights in this country.” –Aziz Ansari
It happened. We’re engaged! Only .7% of interracial couples in the world consist of white men and black women. He’s a police officer. A Republican. He’s also Catholic, but he loves me. I was raised in a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I’m borderline the stereotypical black girl who struggled in school and had kids out of wedlock young. I’m liberal and I do not practice Catholicism. The odds were totally not in our favor, but somehow God brought us together.
In just these past couple of weeks, people celebrated 'Loving day'. Loving day was established for the 1967 Supreme Court case involving a white man and a black woman. They were thrown in jail for being married and this was only 50 years ago. On June 12, 1967 the Supreme Court finally ruled that interracial marriage was not illegal. It’s really insane to think that nearly 50 years ago we would’ve been thrown in jail for simply falling in love.
My fiancé and I met through my former supervisor. My former supervisor is married to one of my fiancé friends. They were all at a house party back in the Fall of 2015 and she told him that, she knew a girl (me) that worked in the office and we would be cute together. The next day at work she mentioned him to me as well. During that time, I was reeling over a terrible break up. I thought he was the one, but hindsight is 20/20. My ex doesn't compare to my fiancé. Anyways, the next day, I sent him a friends request. The day after that he accepted and a couple days later, after trying to figure what to message him on Facebook, I finally sent him a message stating "so does this mean we're dating now?" I thought it was funny and something to break the ice, but he didn't respond. For 2 days he didn't respond lol. I finally wrote him back and let him know that it was a joke and he was supposed to laugh. He immediately replied and said he thought I was THAT crazy, but oddly
he was still interested and would have messaged me back eventually.
From then on out we talked everyday. Every morning I woke up to a "good morning" text and we talked until we fell asleep most nights. This went on for about 2 weeks before he decided to come over. One night we were texting and he just asked. He really wanted to see me in person, but it was late, so I was hesitant, but I said yes. Maybe half an hour later, he text me and asked if I wanted anything specific from the liquor store. I told him anything craft beer was fine. Another half an hour later, I hear a knock at the door. I'm frantic. I don't like my hair. I feel like my clothes are too boring, I start feeling ugly and doubting myself and all sorts of things, but I found my hand opening the door....
Slowly I open, and there he is. Smiling. Holding up the case of beer. "Hey, how are you?" That's what he said through that gorgeous smile.
That night we just chatted, but it felt easy. We talked about interest and everything I brought up, he liked or was interested in. Same for me. I couldn't believe I found someone who was so interested and familiar with all the things I love. It's not like we are exactly alike. We had a lot of uncommon interest as well. We always get excited to introduce new things to each other. I loved everything he loved and he loved everything I was into.
I sat on the couch most of the night and he sat across from me on the love-seat. During a few awkward silences, he would just look at me and smile. I kept telling him to stop and to stare at the walls. This is actually the start of an inside joke of ours. As he stared at the walls, he kept saying how nice of an eggshell it was. We just kept laughing and beating the joke until it was dead. "Yea nice dinosaur eggshell" "very pretty ivory color" "organic brown eggshell" Just stupid stuff. That's what I love about us, how goofy we are! How we can just sit on the couch and vegg out and have a blast!
Soon after the jokes subsided he asked me to come sit next to him. I did. He asked me to scoot closer and I did. He leaned in a little and said he wanted to kiss me....then he did.
If you've read my previous blog post, you already know how this night went.
Here we are now. Bought our first house together and engaged!
It's tough for me sometimes. We've never experienced any discrimination as a couple, but I get nervous every now and then when we're in certain areas. He doesn't care though. He's never cared what anyone has to think about us. He doesn't care about my past. He doesn't care that I have children. He doesn't care that I can sometimes come off as stereotypical. Our love is unfathomable. It's surreal. The true definition of a connection. Our love for each other is unconditional.
I can't imagine how many love stories went untold, unfulfilled 50 years ago. I can't imagine my love for him being considered wrong, or illegal.
Even though the majority of people date/marry the same race, and even though interracial marriage has increased a lot in the past 50 years, there is still a lull in black women-white men relationships. I get it though. We are at two opposite ends of the social ladder. A white man and a black woman. We couldn't be more different, but I love that. I love teaching my daughters how color should not play a role in whom you decided to love. We are a living example of how love transcends.
A woman once told me that their husband doesn't like black women. A white woman, married to a white man. She said he was not racist, but it didn't make sense to me. I know there are preferences. I get that. However, to decided not to love or like someone because of the color of their skin, is crazy to me and borderline racist. Even if he didn't like black women because of the stereotype, that would still make him prejudice and judgmental. I'm not here to try to convert the world. I don't want the world to eventually be full of beige people lol. I just want people to open their hearts. Learn to be open. Learn to love beyond reason. Try things you never knew.
Growing up, my boyfriend never dreamed his wife would be black. His dream girl didn't have an afro and dark honey dripped skin. In high school, yes, he became more attracted and open to dating outside his race, but he still never imagined marrying a black woman. This makes me believe in fate and true love. If he never wrote me back that day, if he never came to see me, if he never opened his heart, we would be living a life without ever knowing what it really means to be loved.